The Idiot's Guide to Systems Engineering
by Verdot
Summary: Cid and Reeve build a hoverboard. No, really. May or may not be inspired by my actual profession.


"So the weirdos down the hall said you were the man to talk to."

Cid didn't like having to come all the way up to this level in the Shinra building. He didn't even want to be in the Shinra building at all, he wanted to be out at the site they'd picked for his proposal, getting started on the best damn project he'd ever been given. But like all things tied to a bureaucracy, it was waiting on some fat bastard to get out of happy hour and officially approve it all.

And engineers did not idle well.

"Mr. Highwind, I ah, what would you like to talk about?" He'd been told this Reeve guy was a little socially awkward. Socially awkward clearly didn't cover it. Cid was going to give Lenny from the techs a piece of his mind later. He didn't need to be working with a goddamn _nerd_.

"It's Captain. And a bigmouthed tech told me you were into robotics or something. I happen to need some complicated controls system for a project."

The nerd's eyes lit up. Alright, maybe he was the right guy to talk to. Though he had no idea what an Urban Planning guy would know about avionic controls. Then again, this wasn't exactly the most typical side project. "What sort of 'project'?"

"I'll show ya. Kind of hard to explain."

_ooo_

He'd given them all hell for leaving his workshop in the Shinra building a big mess, but he'd been in town long enough that it was already halfway cleaned up. Techs. Couldn't leave them on their own with two toothpicks and a stick of gum without it turning into some big fucking crisis.

"Got it set up right over here, try not to trip and break yer damn neck, none of this is insured."

The nerd stepped more gingerly from then on, making sure to avoid the metal lathe and the tons of curly aluminum shavings. He'd have to scare some gawky kid or two into sweeping that up. No way to run a machine shop. No way at all.

"An' here she is."

Compared to the area around the metalworking shop, Cid's bench and tools were clean and ordered to an almost anal degree. In the middle of the clean wood plane of his workspace was something resembling a snowboard. That is, if snowboards came with rockets attached to the rear underside.

"What... _is_ that?"

"It's a hoverboard, Toy Man."

Reeve gave Cid an incredulous look before inspecting it. "And what is the _purpose?_"

"Skateboards are for fucking slum kids and snowboards need snow. This baby isn't hindered by bumps and weather and shit. And if I get the stability controls right you could jump out of a plane with this."

"But...why?"

"Why the hell do you use up your robotic knowledge on _toys?_"

Reeve cleared his throat. "Ah well. How about you show it in action?"

"I can't ride it yet, it's unstable as shit, but I'll show ya how it moves."

Cid put a sack of flour on it--no one ever asked Captain Highwind why he had a sack of flour with his tools--and backed up a few steps. "TECHS HAD BETTER GIT BEHIND SOMETHING!" He grabbed a handy broom and pushed a button on the side.

Reeve took note of the extreme instability along the roll axis before jumping behind a bench, as Cid's hoverboard was clearly out for nerd blood. Cid stood and snorted at his self-preservation. Just like those chocobo chick-brained techs. He could hear Phil's girlish scream from the back and Shera telling George that he could let go of her waist.

Besides, he wasn't an _idiot_. He made sure that the engine had an auto-off after a minute.

"Think you could set up a logic circuit to take care of that?"

"Shouldn't you have done that outside?"

"Naw, keeps the lazy fucks around here on their toes."

_ooo_

Cid wasn't ever going to understand Reeve's methods for research. He had half a mind to punt the thing he'd brought with him for testing off the Plate. Though he'd gotten the point about going outside, even if Midgar wasn't exactly full of open spaces. But this unfinished part of the highway gave ample room and he wasn't likely to end up with someone being hilarious and sticking motor oil in his tea.

"I git that yer kind of a weirdo, but why the hell do you have a robot dog?"

"Cu Sith is going to give me output as to the ride of this hoverboard. Far more valuable than a normal test pilot."

"I got plenty of techs, just saying."

Reeve gave the little robot dog a pat on the head and it obediantly stood on the hoverboard. While Reeve had been tinkering with it in his dark and creepy office Cid had made a remote starter. Better than a broom. They got behind the old car hood that Cid had taken for testing purposes.

"Ready when you are, Captain."

Moments after he hit the button, it became apparent that while Reeve had fixed the stability, Cid had perhaps gone a little overkill with the propulsion system.

"Where the fuck did it go?"

Reeve laughed nervously. "Ah... let me see what Cu Sith says."

He typed something into a handheld gizmo whatsit and frowned. After a couple moments of frowning and silence, Cid spoke up. "Well what the fuck does it say?"

"He says 'Help Me'."

Cid lit a cigarette and bit down hard on the filter. "Fucking genius."

_ooo_

Children were always helpful in recovering robot dogs and missing hoverboards. Though he'd had to call Shera to actually get them to give it back.

_ooo_

No matter how much threatening and prodding and removing of tools and the like, Cid couldn't get anyone to volunteer to ride the hoverboard when it was ready for human testing. Well, as ready as it could be, considering that Reeve had to go through several versions of Cu Sith to get the tricky roll stability in line.

_And you can't get some other idiot to do it, then fucking do it yourself._ All great explorers and inventors were the types to pull up their pants and just try the thing they were fiddling with. Cid had always thought himself a bit of a daredevil, and had silenced a few snickers from the techs at his helmet and well, junk guard. The Highwind family line wasn't going to suddenly end due to a bad landing.

"Don't forget the kill switch, Reeve sewed it into your glove," Shera said gently, in the way that suggested if he were to somehow die due to this that someone very unpleasant would take over his projects. Sexist assholes couldn't let Shera run things, even if she was a genius.

"_Sewed_ it?" Shera gave him a look that suggested he not continue that line of conversation. Reeve was already behind the car hood, fiddling with another gadgety gizmo that was likely to be useless for anything other than pretty graphs and shit. He didn't get this new way of "simulation" and "finite element modeling" crap. Real work was done through trial and error, and you didn't get that staring at a screen.

"Alright then, get the fuck behind something, I hate filling out injury reports!" Like cockroaches, the few techs that had come out to watch skittered off to their chosen safe areas.

Once it was clear, he kicked the starter. And did it _kick_. He nearly fell off in the first couple of seconds. It was weight sensitive for steering, so when he leaned back it started to go _up_. He'd designed it to stay close to the ground, and hadn't factored this in exactly.

Halfway up a giant billboard for some play or another, his front boot grip gave. Gravity was something that had always been an enemy of him.

His last thoughts before he hit the ground and blacked out were that _Loveless_ looked pretty damn pretentious.

_ooo_

Five stitches gave him the idea that his hoverboard might work better in the air. Of course, funding came through for the Space Program, and he shoved his unfinished patent in a drawer.

_ooo_

Reeve never seemed to get over the whole creepy and dark office thing, even after he'd taken over the closest thing to a world power. Cid had decked him a good one over the spying thing sometime after the whole world ending shebang, and they hadn't spoken much since then. So being called up into his office when he had plenty of things to work on the _The Shera_'s overhaul left him a little twitchy.

"Captain Highwind, some documentation of yours was found recently."

"Listen, I didn't know how old--"

"Not from your record."

"Oh."

The specs were all still there, surprisingly free of dirt except for an oil thumbprint. Shinra internal documents were kept strangely pristine, he'd learned. It was creepy as hell.

"Got any ideas for this?"

Cid grinned. "I was thinking about jumping out of a plane with one."


End file.
